Funny ol' time.

You know when you know that things aren't quite right and you know why, and you ignore it or you worry about it and try to ignore it and then eventually you can't ignore it anymore. Well, I've been through that for the past few months.

Nagging doubts, real heart pounding anxieties, sick feeling in your stomach, negative thoughts - the whole anxiety experience (sounds like a band). In fact reading this post reminds me and frankly I don't want (nor need) reminding. But what I discovered more than any other time previously is how I kept this worry going. I fed it and gave it life and made it grow. It also made me realise how anxious I had been in years gone by, I just didn't recognise it. I mastered it as a child - feeling very afraid a lot of the time and bravardo eventually won through. Could have been very different. My Mum helped.

In the end, I lessened the worry by being honest, with myself and others around me and that was such a relief. How powerful it is to be honest. To say what's on your mind, not in a harsh way - just in a way that is clear and straight forward. Then I started to remind myself of what's important. My Mum used to say, never lose sight of what's important, and I had. Life is simple and I was making it complicated. For the first time, I had to draw on my own resources, to pull myself back to the path that felt right. I had to try harder, to make more effort. I had often said it, but not really understood what that meant. It has something (a lot) to do with confidence. Knowing and believing that what you say and what you do has integrity.

And (for me at least) how right Domenica is - what ever the question - love is the answer.

I'm sure that I'll face harder more questioning times than I have recently - I just don't want to forget this lesson. So if I write it down I can refer to it later.

Right, that's that over with - going to plant some sweetpeas tomorrow - how fabulous. And I might plant some spuds if I can get the wood to make the boxes. Have spent all day thinking it was Saturday - bit of a blow, but never mind.

Just watched Jo Brand on Beeb 1 learning the organ - how incredible - what a woman. One of my claims to fame is that I met Jo Brand when she was performing in the Labour club in Rotherham, 17 years ago. She was just starting out, coz you don't come to Rotherham when you're BIG in showbiz. She was hilarious.