An autobiography in 5 chapters by Portia Nelson.

Read this and liked it - wanted to share it with you.

Chapter one.
I walked down the street. There is a deep hole in the pavement. I fall in. I'm lost. I'm helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter two.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the pavement. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I'm in the same place, but it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter three.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the pavement. I see it there. I fall in. It's a habit. But my eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault and I get out immediately.

Chapter four.
I walk down the same street. There's a deep hole in the pavement. I walk around it.

Chapter five.
I try walking down a different street.

Back on line

I've not been able to access the internet from home in weeks. It's incredible how much of my life is tied to the net. I've been able to check my emails intermittently, but unable to reply. It was like losing your voice. It's quite dramatic. I couldn't do this...well, not from home. I couldn't find any information out about random 'stuff' I chose. Couldn't download maps, couldn't check the weather forecast, of which I am a bit obsessive - it was so strange.

Anyway - it's all mended now thanks to Al (great friend) who is a bit of a genius at this kinda thing and despite having an over-flowing plate of 'things to do' not to mention a baby who is days from being born - he got me back on line.

He's one of those people that you come across in life (of which I am very fortunate to have found quite a few, particularly recenty), who you know if you fall, they would catch you. It's a two way thing - I would catch them too.

So this blog is dedicated to friends - they are very precious!

For the people of Rotherham

Here's a bit of a thought for the 900 people living in Rotherham's Herringthorpe leisure centre at the moment, because of the floods.

Hope the sun starts shining for you soon!

Sanity Fair - BIG THANK YOUS

When I got home on Saturday night, my feet just began to throb and throb. I hadn't noticed them all day. In fact the only thing I had noticed was the excitment and fun and sense of community that saturated the air (along with the rain later in the day) But even the rain just added to the excitment for me.

Sanity Fair happens because people want it to. It's so easy to say 'no'. But everyone said 'yes'. It takes time and commitment and thought and causes worry and stress and stuff - but it's fantastic that people come together and help give the public a better understanding of mental health, a more positive, clearer, more realistic sense of what it's all about. It goes along way too, in encouraging people to think about what affects their own mental health.

We wrote a list of 'people we must thank' and there were over 100 individuals on there. A hundred people without whom...

For me the lead up to the day was also really enjoyable and one moment in particular when all the people who regulalrly come to MAGMH were working preparing for the day - it encapsulated what Sanity Fair is all about.

Thanks again to everyone - it was remarkable.

Sanity Fair - BIG THANKS

What a great day! it really was fantastic.

I'll blog more about it later.

But for now - MASSIVE THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO SAID 'YES' AND MADE IT HAPPEN!!!!

oatcakes

I bet that if you google oatcakes it comes up with the Scottish hard biscuit top of the list - I'm gonna try it, bear with me.

Yep - it did. These horrible dry, foul tasting biscuits are not a patch on the staffordshire oatcake. When I first moved to Stoke On trent they were a bit of a revelation. At first, I didn't know what you did with them (except eat them of course). I used to have them cold with jam, then discovered that grilled with cheese was the traditional way. Wow! When I worked in Alsager we were right next door to an oatcake shop and people would have an entire breakfast on there, including beans (You needed a straw to eat it).


Now I've introduced them to my family who live in Scotland and even taken them to botswanna for my sister.

It's one of Staffordshire's finest inventions (of which there have been many).

I was wondering, how do you eat yours?

Ride the wave...learn to surf

Read this yesterday and thought how appropriate it is for Mind Bloggling.

Saw some good friends last night - great to see you all. And for the ones who were missing, I'll be thinking of you.

Sheep

My brother took this picture near his home in the borders of Scotland. It's a lovely place! Today my sister, dad, sister in law, nephew and brother are all there - I miss them.

Cat in a case and other random stuff!

I got home last night and one of our cats had adopted the mandolin case as her bed - cute, don't you think.

And I read in the paper this monring that if you want to go to Glastonbury and you're prepared to work on the car park doing twelve hour shifts then you can get in for free (so they should I guess).

PS. the mandolin in the background in a flying V shape - how cool is that!

Living life to the full: e-learning

I became aware of this CBT based self help book about a year ago and have just found it on-line. Might be worth a look - http://www.livinglifetothefull.com

It focuses on developing life skills and also on issues surrounding anxiety and depression.

Somert I noticed...

Been doing lots of thinking recently. In the absence of doing a million and one things (which is what I used to do) I've had more time to think. It can be a scarey thing to do, thinking, it can be a bit un-ravelling and makes you assess what's going on in your life. But I think I have to stick with it.

One thing I did notice, is how your wants change depending on your circumstances. A week or so ago, I was skint. I was wandering round M & S and every isle I turned down I came across delicious looking food which I was longing to have. A few days later when my financial pressures had eased a little I went there again. This time, I couldn't find a thing that seemed tempting, even though I could now afford to buy it.

It's an odd thing. When you desire something, you put yourself through the mill if you can't have it. When you can have it, it losses its appeal. That's a big old thought - I think.

Ruskiboots.com

I've cannot begin to tell you how pleased I am - pride I know is bad thing. But I am beeming a little. I've been asked to be a God Mother twice in the space of 6 months. I've never been asked before and maybe it's more of a reflection of the passing years and greying hair that give me the credentials. But I do feel quite honoured. I have to admit that I'm rather more agnostic than perhaps a God Mother ought to be, but I think that it means that these new lives will have a special place in my life. I'm also to be an Aunty (my sister is pregnant!) - and I am over the moon about this too! It's gonna be a busy babysitting time for me. Can't wait.
Here's a picture of some baby foot gear knitted by a very dear friend and Mum to be - Alya.

Life in the open air

We had a expedition yesterday to the local country park with the Mind Blogglers. The plan was to take the cameras and make it a bit of a photo workshop.

Here are some of the rather fabulous results.


The day was perfect, great company, great weather. Thanks for coming.

Simple satisfying things

Sun
Snow
Long soak in the tub
Laughing
Having all the right documents when you re-tax your motor
Bagging up pennies and finding that they're all correct when exchanging for 'real' money
Doing a job that you've put off for months (or probably years) only to find it takes no time and is really easy
Planting seeds when you're meant to
Daffoldils
Snow drops
Blue bells
Sculptures (particularly if they've not been drawn on)
A satisfying sleep
Smell of freshly cut grass
Cooking something new that actually tastes nice
A good cup of tea
Answering two questions in a row on University Challenge (these are particular to me!)

How about you?

Bob, me and the Angel

Last night I travelled to Newcastle Upon Tyne to see Bob Dylan. I had been incredibly fortunate to have been given a pair of tickets by someone who couldn't go (people's kindness and generousity never cesases to amaze me).

The gig was superb - I really felt like I was watching a legend. It was great to see live music again, I haven't done that for a while. Bob played house of the rising sun as a tribute to the Animals who were natives of Newcastle. He's sold 100 million albums and is permanently on tour. He can't be doing this for the dosh.

Newcastle itself was a bit of a treat too - a city not unlike Stoke On Trent in some ways, but it's managed to re-invent itself. The Angel of the North greeted us when we got there. To have that vision and conviction and the courage to make something like that happen - well...(as purkul would say).

It was a great night - thanks to those who made it possible.

Erm...

Bit stuck at the mo to know what to blog about. Will get back to you.

Passion for service

I had to get some food yesterday and went to the supermarket. Whilst waiting in a short queue there was announcement over the tannoy which said 'We have customers with a passion for service' - it just made me smile.:-)

Routing

The American saying routing like the British would say the word route (but with ing). The British call it routing in a sort of rout style with ing on the end. What ever you call it, I've been routing with my router for some hours over the last two days, my hands are shaking and my knees are weak (I am in fact All shook up - but whilst it may be love, it's more likely to be the vibration from the router).

It's fab - what can I say - so far made 3 boxes for the spuds only 10 more to go and I'm glad to say (as are the neighbours and him in doors) I'm getting quicker (it's an awfully noisey noise).

Funny ol' time.

You know when you know that things aren't quite right and you know why, and you ignore it or you worry about it and try to ignore it and then eventually you can't ignore it anymore. Well, I've been through that for the past few months.

Nagging doubts, real heart pounding anxieties, sick feeling in your stomach, negative thoughts - the whole anxiety experience (sounds like a band). In fact reading this post reminds me and frankly I don't want (nor need) reminding. But what I discovered more than any other time previously is how I kept this worry going. I fed it and gave it life and made it grow. It also made me realise how anxious I had been in years gone by, I just didn't recognise it. I mastered it as a child - feeling very afraid a lot of the time and bravardo eventually won through. Could have been very different. My Mum helped.

In the end, I lessened the worry by being honest, with myself and others around me and that was such a relief. How powerful it is to be honest. To say what's on your mind, not in a harsh way - just in a way that is clear and straight forward. Then I started to remind myself of what's important. My Mum used to say, never lose sight of what's important, and I had. Life is simple and I was making it complicated. For the first time, I had to draw on my own resources, to pull myself back to the path that felt right. I had to try harder, to make more effort. I had often said it, but not really understood what that meant. It has something (a lot) to do with confidence. Knowing and believing that what you say and what you do has integrity.

And (for me at least) how right Domenica is - what ever the question - love is the answer.

I'm sure that I'll face harder more questioning times than I have recently - I just don't want to forget this lesson. So if I write it down I can refer to it later.

Right, that's that over with - going to plant some sweetpeas tomorrow - how fabulous. And I might plant some spuds if I can get the wood to make the boxes. Have spent all day thinking it was Saturday - bit of a blow, but never mind.

Just watched Jo Brand on Beeb 1 learning the organ - how incredible - what a woman. One of my claims to fame is that I met Jo Brand when she was performing in the Labour club in Rotherham, 17 years ago. She was just starting out, coz you don't come to Rotherham when you're BIG in showbiz. She was hilarious.

Weather update.

Blizzard, followed by just snow, followed by bright sunshine, followed by sleet, then bit of hail, then more sun, then, snow, then THUNDER (Hello!) then sun then snow...