For him in doors - hope the boys in red win!

Here's a blog dedicated to you!

DIY

Just putting some shelves up - will be back shortly. Rather scared myself when the drill bit broke off in the wall! Wear goggles!

Back on line

I've not been able to access the internet from home in weeks. It's incredible how much of my life is tied to the net. I've been able to check my emails intermittently, but unable to reply. It was like losing your voice. It's quite dramatic. I couldn't do this...well, not from home. I couldn't find any information out about random 'stuff' I chose. Couldn't download maps, couldn't check the weather forecast, of which I am a bit obsessive - it was so strange.

Anyway - it's all mended now thanks to Al (great friend) who is a bit of a genius at this kinda thing and despite having an over-flowing plate of 'things to do' not to mention a baby who is days from being born - he got me back on line.

He's one of those people that you come across in life (of which I am very fortunate to have found quite a few, particularly recenty), who you know if you fall, they would catch you. It's a two way thing - I would catch them too.

So this blog is dedicated to friends - they are very precious!

For the people of Rotherham

Here's a bit of a thought for the 900 people living in Rotherham's Herringthorpe leisure centre at the moment, because of the floods.

Hope the sun starts shining for you soon!

Routing

The American saying routing like the British would say the word route (but with ing). The British call it routing in a sort of rout style with ing on the end. What ever you call it, I've been routing with my router for some hours over the last two days, my hands are shaking and my knees are weak (I am in fact All shook up - but whilst it may be love, it's more likely to be the vibration from the router).

It's fab - what can I say - so far made 3 boxes for the spuds only 10 more to go and I'm glad to say (as are the neighbours and him in doors) I'm getting quicker (it's an awfully noisey noise).

Funny ol' time.

You know when you know that things aren't quite right and you know why, and you ignore it or you worry about it and try to ignore it and then eventually you can't ignore it anymore. Well, I've been through that for the past few months.

Nagging doubts, real heart pounding anxieties, sick feeling in your stomach, negative thoughts - the whole anxiety experience (sounds like a band). In fact reading this post reminds me and frankly I don't want (nor need) reminding. But what I discovered more than any other time previously is how I kept this worry going. I fed it and gave it life and made it grow. It also made me realise how anxious I had been in years gone by, I just didn't recognise it. I mastered it as a child - feeling very afraid a lot of the time and bravardo eventually won through. Could have been very different. My Mum helped.

In the end, I lessened the worry by being honest, with myself and others around me and that was such a relief. How powerful it is to be honest. To say what's on your mind, not in a harsh way - just in a way that is clear and straight forward. Then I started to remind myself of what's important. My Mum used to say, never lose sight of what's important, and I had. Life is simple and I was making it complicated. For the first time, I had to draw on my own resources, to pull myself back to the path that felt right. I had to try harder, to make more effort. I had often said it, but not really understood what that meant. It has something (a lot) to do with confidence. Knowing and believing that what you say and what you do has integrity.

And (for me at least) how right Domenica is - what ever the question - love is the answer.

I'm sure that I'll face harder more questioning times than I have recently - I just don't want to forget this lesson. So if I write it down I can refer to it later.

Right, that's that over with - going to plant some sweetpeas tomorrow - how fabulous. And I might plant some spuds if I can get the wood to make the boxes. Have spent all day thinking it was Saturday - bit of a blow, but never mind.

Just watched Jo Brand on Beeb 1 learning the organ - how incredible - what a woman. One of my claims to fame is that I met Jo Brand when she was performing in the Labour club in Rotherham, 17 years ago. She was just starting out, coz you don't come to Rotherham when you're BIG in showbiz. She was hilarious.

Words.

This is from a speech by Arundhati Roy. When I lose my way a little, I read this and it helps me a great deal. It reminds me to concentrate on what I think are the important things in my life.

To love. To be loved.
To never forget your own insignificance.
To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you.
To seek joy in the saddest places.
To pursue beauty to its lair.
To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple.
To respect strength, never power.
Above all, to watch.
To try and understand.
To never look away.
And never, never, to forget

Wow!

How incredible is this! All these people brought togther for all sorts of different reasons, helping, supporting, encouraging, listening and caring about each other -I'm just having a WOW! moment.


Thanks to everyone - sincerely; without YOU this would NOT be hapening.

Right - off to get something to cook with! Pancackes tonight, I'm a wee bit behind on the week and feel I can't give something up before I've over-indulged!

Let it snow!

I love snow. I make a point of going out in the snow and walking miles. I did it today.

Snow always brings back such fond memories. When I was a child we lived opposite our Junior school playing fields which had a hill on it. My best friend and I used to spend hours sliding down the snowy hill. We would make the perfect sledge run and use thick plastic bags to slide down. You couldn't even stand at the top of the hill because we'd made it sheer ice. And it snowed every year - I'm sure it did. We would come in frozen and soaking wet. I remember that gloves were always in short supply so we would wear socks on our hands. And we would make huge snow balls - I mean 4 or 5 feet - my brother would sometimes help, because they became too heavy to move.

If we got kicked off the playing fields (why on earth is was such an issue I could never understand!) we'd sledge down the middle of the road. One would act as look out for cars and shout a warning if one came. Because you were heading head first down the road, the noise made it difficult to hear and I remember turning to see two headlights no more than two feet from my heals - can't imagine how we were allowed to do this. But no-one ever got hurt.

It was utter bliss and all I could think about as I made my 6 or so mile round trip from home to work, through Stoke and back home again today in the snow. Loads of kids were going sledging, but perfect sledging has to be done when it gets dark, so the orange glow of the street lights reflects on the snow.

Brilliant.

Is 'outage' a real word.

I suppose outage is a real word if someone uses it and other people grap it and use it too. That's how stuff and ideas come into being isn't it? It infiltrates your world and before you know it, you can't imagine what it was like without it. I'm rambling a bit here.

What I wanted to say was, what a beautiful day it's been. It could have been May rather than February. I was busy all day (in between playing my guitar) - the back door was open and the sun poured through. I bobbed about in the back garden, mending fence panels, doing other stuff (sure I did more than just that) - but anyway what a brilliant day. I felt utterly content all day.

Ps. I checked outage - it seems it is a real word, although Microsoft word couldn't furnish me with a definition - mmm...